by Heidi Atwood
Puppies love our attention! In fact, most pups would love to be with their favorite people every minute of their day, but this is neither practical nor a good way to help your puppy learn to be without you during times when you need to be away from them. We may feel like our new puppy has limited our ability to live our normal lives, go out without them, or even step out of the room for a few minutes because “my puppy cries”. I often explain to puppy handlers that teaching the puppy early on that you are not going to focus on them 24/7 makes it a bit easier when you need them to rest, or if you want to leave the room, or even your home. This will also help prevent separation issues in the future. We are often asked how to go about ignoring a puppy, so let’s talk about that.
It is common and normal for a puppy to cry, whine, bark, and even paw at a crate or pen when they are trying to get our attention. We want to teach our puppies that these behaviors do not work to get our attention, so that they will learn to settle down and rest, or choose to play or chew on a favorite toy.
Picture this: you have gotten your puppy to fall asleep in their crate (hurray!). You started out by staying close to them so that they are comforted by your presence. You walk across the room, and suddenly your puppy is up and crying because you are a few feet away from them. You then hurry back to them and start over. This is teaching a puppy that if they make noise in an effort to get your attention, it works, and they will continue to try to get your attention this way. In fact, they will listen for your movements and have a harder time resting if they are anticipating getting your attention. I don’t want to tiptoe around my sleeping puppy, but instead, my goal is to help them get used to normal sounds and activities that don’t concern them.
What can we do that will help our puppies get more comfortable in their new homes, whether we are right beside them or not? I often suggest practicing something I call “Actively Ignoring” a puppy. This means that I will go about my regular routines and activities so that these movements will become normal to the puppy. This may be simply walking around the room at first, doing some normal and routine activities, and giving the puppy some experience watching me. Hopefully, the puppy is becoming bored because I am not giving them any attention. I don’t look at them, talk to them, or go near them while I am practicing this. I might pick up a book or make a phone call because these are activities that I want my puppy to consider a regular part of their world.
Think about the activities that you want your puppy to consider normal, and put this practice into motion. If your puppy has a hard time when you leave the room, practice this by casually strolling out of the room and returning during a quiet moment, just as casually, giving them no attention when you return. Take this a step further, and go right out the front door at times, coming back inside when the puppy is quiet. If you work at home and want your puppy to learn to remain quiet while working, you can practice this type of training, even “pretending” to work, so that the puppy doesn’t interrupt your work. This helps the puppy learn that relaxing in their crate or even on a dog bed near you is a regular part of their day. My dogs have gotten used to me working at home over the past few years, and they know that I am not going to interact with them when I am working because it has become our normal routine.
I want to help my puppies learn that I come and go, and that my movements often have nothing to do with them. My dogs will look up from their naps if I walk across the room and go to the door to see if they are going to be invited outside. If I walk right out the door and close it behind me, they go right back to snoozing. I love this! They have learned that I will come back, and also that sometimes they will come with me, and sometimes they won’t. If I invite them to go with me, they are more than happy to go along, but I want to avoid adding excitement to my departures as well as my arrivals, so that it is normal and no big deal to them. It’s a great accomplishment to be able to walk out the door knowing that your dog is content and resting until you get back.
As you help your puppy learn that they are fine whether you are with them, across the room, or out the front door, keep these practice sessions very short at first. Puppies accept change best with gradual introductions to new experiences, so you can start with very short acclimation sessions of just a few minutes or sometimes even just a few seconds, and increase the length of time you are “away” from them in small increments of time.
If a puppy is a bit overstimulated and needs rest, it may have a harder time settling down. This is a great time for some calming mental stimulation, so feel free to offer a stuffed kong, lick mat, snuffle mat, or other mentally challenging item to help keep them occupied with something positive while also bringing down their energy level and encouraging rest.
This type of socialization experience is also helpful when there are children in the home, so that the puppy can become acclimated to the excited voices, running, and playing that you will want the puppy to consider normal, as well as activities that do not necessarily include them. We want the kids to feel free to move around doing their normal activities, and having the puppy in a crate, pen, or on a tethered leash gives them experience watching and listening without giving them the ability to run after the kids, jumping, and biting in an effort to join in the play.
If your puppy is focused on every sound you make, you can also help them by playing some comforting music or white noise nearby. This will help drown out sounds that the puppy is listening for, such as voices or footsteps.
Puppies give up on behaviors that don’t benefit them - eventually. Barking, crying and whining will continue if a puppy thinks that they are successful in gaining attention by making noise. Sometimes we are able to reward a puppy for being quiet, but I find that rewarding can also cause more excitement and start the noise all over, so if this happens, you don’t need to reward the quiet. Hopefully, they will simply settle down and rest, or chew on their favorite toy.
Do yourself and your puppy a favor by helping them learn that they are not always going to be the center of attention, and that this is normal. There will be plenty of time to be with you, playing, exploring, walking, cuddling, and training. Helping your puppy learn to be without you is well worth the effort.
